“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
I know it’s been a very long time since my last post, but I felt compelled to write and share what I’ve been going through.
It’s been nine months and yes by God’s Grace, I am still CANCER FREE!!! Won’t He Do It!
As a cancer survivor and a daughter who lost her mother to Breast Cancer, it has been extremely difficult at times to process my feelings, thoughts and emotions because I like to keep to my self emotionally. There were times when I spoke honestly and openly with people because it felt like I was carrying around emotionally baggage. BUT GOD!!
This time last year, I felt depressed, lonely, uncertain, hurt, tired, lost and confused because I did not know how to emotionally move on with life after cancer. I would sit and think back to when I was 8, to remember how I saw my mom bounce back after she had a mastectomy. And it was hard because a few months later, she was pregnant with Christian, so for about 17 years I watched her thrive before the cancer returned. And then, she wasn’t here anymore for me to ask questions. I felt torn because while, I was happy that treatment was coming to an end, I just couldn’t see life beyond the end of my treatment. For two years, my life consisted of grieving privately, to fighting for my life, doctor appointments, PET SCANS, chemo, stem transplant and recovery. I had lost sight of my dreams and aspirations because I was in survival mode. There is no manual on how to pick up your life after you’ve experienced a life-altering event. BUT GOD, He knows how to reach you and who to send. And that person was Christian, I was emotionally drained and I decided to interrupt his TV time. For those who know Christian, he’s the youngest, he’s funny, a handful and he thinks he’s perfect because he’s the last child. But, he’s also wise beyond his years and a great listener. He allowed me to cry, vent and listened intently that led to some well-needed advice. There was a huge weight lifted that day. Advice if you feel stuck, WRITE down what you want to do with your life, list your priorities! I watched over time how God answered my list.
Fast forward a year later, I am still cancer free, I am halfway through my master’s program, I am interning at my alma mater, I took a solo vacation to Cartagena, Colombia and I am more determined to pursue my dreams after cancer. My God is so dope because He never lets me stay down forever, He shows up on time. I’m extremely blessed that God has given me a second chance at life and I will forever share His testimony.
Faith. Strength. Perseverance. There will be a time when we all go through something in life and it seems that you will never recover, but know that God is there with you in the trenches. He sees you when no one else does, He hears you when your cries seem to fall on deaf ears and He feels you when you are reaching out for a helping hand.