Wowwww, just wowww. It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog. And as you know, my cancer is still in remission, 7 months post stem cell transplant, and I’m just completely grateful to God because He continues to show me that His promises are truth. This journey has been difficult but, spiritually awakening, gratifying, and life changing. It has allowed me to do some soul searching. Being confined in a room both at the hospital and in your home with limited contact with people, places, and things because of a developing immune system, body recovery, bad sleeping habits, and the inability to work caused me to suffer from anxiety for a while. Often times I pleaded with God to relieve my stress and anxiety or ask God if I was doing enough in my 30 years of life, why? Because sometimes I felt suffocated enough where I felt I just needed to be free to “live”. Which now I laugh at because my transplant was allowing me to live, right? My conversations with my “mother,” asking her if I made her proud or what my next move should be were from my bouts of deliriousness and lack of sleep.
Before, my mom passed I had several conversations with her about finding my purpose in life and the feeling of inadequacy. And her response was always Janele, be patient, pray, and trust God to show you. And I believe God used this journey to address some of those issues I buried internally. This journey has taught me patience by default and trust God to lay the proper foundation on finding my purpose. My recovery has been a humbling experience and I will never forget the process.
For those who are going through it, it is okay to have your moments of vulnerability. We all struggle from time to time and at times question our lives during times of despair. But, we have to remember to press on and trust God because He will slowly, but surely turn things around. Don’t be content with progress, strive for greatness, and the best version of you defined by God.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
I like to thank my Dad for holding me down literally and I will forever be grateful for all the time and love you’ve given me through this journey. I love you for being who you are. Hahaha You couldn’t wait until I got back to doing things around the house.
To my siblings, Clarine, Crystal, Ozzie, Jaylen, and Christian. From up close and afar, I have admired and watched each one of you live your life on your own terms, flourish in your careers, having your own families, apartments, cars, and vacations. I’ve always struggled internally at times questioning my place amongst you all because I’m still trying to find my way, but your support and jokes through it all showed me that no two lives are the same (in our case, no six lives). Thank you, when I had to ask each one of you for money, favors, and someeee..and I appreciate the help even when ya’ll think I’m ungrateful. LOL. I love ya’ll and one of the best blessings in my life is being your sister.
When you see me, just now I give all Glory to guy. My main man, I’m surviving and thriving through it all. I’m not where I was and yet far from where I need to be.