Me : “Aunt Pam, Thank you for showing me how to keep fighting, encouraging me, and praying for me. I know this is the last time I will see you, so I want you to know that I love you and I’m happy our bond grew stronger. It’s been a pleasure that I could be able to talk to you about this because my mom isn’t here. God’s will be done regardless and He has the final say. That’s all I love you.”
Aunt Pam:”Yes, I know my sweet baby. You are a fighter and I am so proud of you. I read your blogs and you continue to make me fight. And I love you even more, I pray for you everyday, believe that! Remember God’s got this!”
This convo occurred on the day I got my catheter put in. I had a 9 am appointment for blood work. I arrived at the front desk for check-in, and my phone rings, it’s my nurse telling me that instead of going for blood go the hospital at 3pm for the catheter because stem collection was moved up. At that moment, I knew I had to go visit my Aunt Pam and it would be the last time I would see her. And that was November 1st.
For the past week I have been battling myself because I felt that I needed to write a blog entitled “Monday is Go Time!” Even after, constant prayer still nothing. “I ” wasn’t suppose to write that blog, God wanted me to wait because that date had more meaning. And when, I think about it “Monday is Go Time!” was appropriate. So, to be honest I am extremely emotional, it took me a conversation with Christian and an hour after to begin to process, to even fathom, what cancer has/is doing to my close family members. Yes, it is difficult, but without God through it all, I would be a negative debbie downer. He is always in control and I’m reminded each day. I am more determined, more focused, but most importantly more encouraged in my faith to trust onto the Lord. I couldn’t sleep last night because I was thinking about how Aunt Pam served as a surrogate for my mom in many ways, she gave me the encouraging words I needed and the experience to speak freely and rawly at my most vulnerable moments. And I, thank God that I was able to talk to her daily, pray for her as she prayed for me, and be able to say I love you.
I ask that we keep my Uncle Adrian aka Aggie, her children Kim and Eddie, her mother Joan Idlett aka Granny, her brother Chris, her granddaughter Kensie, and many hosts of cousins, bro-in-laws, sister-in-laws, nephews, nieces, coworkers and friends in constant prayer during this difficult time. Our family has been hit hard over the last year and a half, and I want to encourage everyone that God is sufficient enough to get us through. Reach out to family, friends, because we know not the day or hour our loved ones can be snatched from this earthly place. And I know I will see her again.
NOWWWW…Because I am a Henderson..I have to throw in a little humor.
For all those who know.. Uncle Aggie, Aunt Pam, Kim, Eddie, and their pets: cat Jazz and dog Smokie lived upstairs on the top floor at 132. We all went to the same schools, but because Clarine, is three years older than Kim & I we really didn’t spend too much time in school with her. Our starting 5 was legit tho:
Disclaimer: Please excuse our old kitchen for those who didn’t know 132 came a mighty long way.
Anyway, I’m back hahahaha In the morning, my mom would drop us off on the corner of our school in the minivan while the car was still rolling, wait 45 mins to an hour after school for her to pick us up, and then get home play stupid games we made up for fun. But, there were rules laid out for us by our mothers.” If one fights, everybody better participate because if you don’t hmmm… you will get two more beatdowns. Their motto: STICK TOGETHER, YOU’RE FAMILY!! And that’s what we did and behind our backs they created ummm hmmmm:
The HENDERSON PRAISE SINGERS! I honestly don’t know why were tricked into becoming the next big family singing group. They knew their roles, my mother got the outfits, got her Debbie Allen choreograph on, and booked the shows even up to 1 hour before the show.*Major Side Eye* Aunt Pam, she provided us with snacks, ( us downstairs never had the junk food, upstairs had everything, hahhaha), she critiqued us, but most importantly she gave chose Clarine to sing lead for “I go to the Rock”, Whitney Houston version for my Momma (Dad’s mother) Appreciation at her church. Thank you, for the greatest disaster you ever, Clarine stayed in her place as choir director. I love you sister, but Clarine aka Rini aka Cla Cla (when things are funny) wrote the words on her palms, they were too small and her hands were too sweaty, she couldn’t read them. Nothing but great memories growing up at 132. We were all devastated when they moved after Kim and I graduated from sixth grade.
And even though, we went our separate ways, experienced life, there is my common denominator the kids of 132 are motherless. But, we will always remember what our mothers taught us. STICK TOGETHER, YOU’RE FAMILY, and that is what we will do. Similar roads experienced only a year and a half apart, but know we are with you, and here for you.
God orchestras His plan, He calls for his people when He is ready, and He assures us that weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning!! We love you, praying for you, and at peace knowing she is no longer suffering. Aunt Pam has joined her father, Momma, my Mom and her family members that have passed on.