When you least expect it..

Heyyy, my beautiful people. As you some of you may know, I started the second round of my ICE treatment today. Honestly, I feel terrible and I have three more days of treatment after today. But,  I had to write this post because it is NECESSARY.

Right now, there is so much going on in the world, at our jobs, in our families, in our bodies, in our relationships list goes on. And you say “Dis TEW Much!” Hahaha

Yesterday, after my meeting with Stem Cell Transplant doctor, I was overwhelmed.  I was alone in the car, I immediately started praying and asking  God  for serenity, strength and to keep me focused on the end goal. I drove myself home thank you Jesus because I don’t remember much about the drive because I was deep in thought (YES I know that was dangerous but, like I said God def came through)

Anywho, about 7 minutes from my house, I received a message from one my former players, Kimani Jackson who I had the opportunity of coaching at Molloy College.  It reads (And yes, I asked her permission before posting,):

Hey coach hen! It’s kimani this is my new number. But really I’m txting you bc I’ve told so many people this but not the person that needs to hear it the  most. I always told my parents that you epitomize everything I want to be as a woman and that if I was to reach your age and be half of what you are I would be blessed and happy. You are so strong, confident, blessed, and unapologetically you and it has always inspired me from when I was a little girl an d all I knew of you was your basketball skills. you busted my a** every Tuesday and Thursday at my Aau practice, I was inspired, you played overseas and  I wanted to accomplish the same things, and the way you never took it easy on me EVER just stuck with me. Then God placed you in my life again and I was  older and I got to know more of you. I fell in love with the fact that you are so honest at all times, genuine, supportive in your special way, positive,  strong and confident in yourself and so trusting in GOD! Then you lost your mother, and I went to the funeral and I observed you and all that shined through at all times was strength!! Yet again I was inspired! and then you weren’t my coach anymore and everyday of my senior year I wished I could look at  the bench and have someone that would tell me I suck when I suck or go for thirty bc they can’t guard you! I cried when I found out you had cancer but then when I spoke to you, yet again that confidence and strength shined through when you hugged me and was stronger than I was in that moment you once again amazed me. You came to a game and you have no idea what it meant to me to speak to you after and just hear your words and advice. And you was rocking t he short haircut and I knew you would bc you always told me “kimani it’s just hair!” I went home to tell my dad, leave it up to coach hen to rock cancer!  At a time where you could be at your worst,  the confidence and strength that I’ve admired in you all this time seems to shine the brightest!!! And I ju st want you to know that I look up to you for those reasons and you continue to inspire me everyday!!! I love youu

Kimani, you know I love you and THANK YOU for seriously being my guardian angel of the day, when you had no idea. And you know, I want you to continue to conquer, work hard and be better than me. Enjoy the fruits and labors of Adulthood, and when you need some “Coach Hen” advice, I always here.

BUT Y’ALLLL WHEN, I telllllll youuuuuuu I did not know whether to laugh or cry. My God, Hmmm I getting teary eyed thinking about it. God will come through, in the clutch, when you least expect it!! He will send whoever, whatever to deliver his message. (I laughed)

Everyday, I get up, pray, and read my current devotion “God will carry you through!” Sometimes, when I feel like I’m having a moment, God reminds me that He is sufficient enough. Yes, this road is difficult, there are times when I just do not have answers,  when I sit in my room in darkness and process what is going, but I am constantly reminded that this path was chosen for me. I will continue to hold onto my faith, my relationship with God,  continue fighting, and eventually this too shall pass.

Everyone has their own lives, own problems, own situations, own struggles and I just want you remember whatever you are going through remember God will carry you through. 

I just want thank everyone who has been reading, commenting, sharing etc. It has been a blessing to me and keeps me fighting for God so He gets all the glory. Transparency make not work for you, but it has for me. I just want to live not die, but while I’m living I will always give God the glory. Anyway, thank you & please feel free to share. You may never know your situation could be helping someone else. 

You don’t look SICK…..

You don’t look sick……        That is one phrase that I’ve heard over 20 times in the past week. I do not like it at all. Why?  For me, I am not sick, I am ILL. I do not have symptoms of a temporary ailment like a cold, flu, stomach virus, headache, etc. something that in 24-72 hours will vanish. I have CANCER, a disease that lasts much longer than that time frame, yes when I get treatment I feel sick, however, when I am not receiving treatment physically I feel fine. That statement usually follows with “Wow, I feel sorry for you.” Please do not feel sorry for me, because I do not feel sorry for myself!! This is the journey that God has set for me so, I will walk, navigate, pray, and embrace whatever comes my way.

My last blog was July 26th a lot has happened since then. My siblings, bro in law Corey, cousin Isaiah, and my Aunt Flo went on a life changing trip to the Olympics. It was beautiful, so many cultures but most importantly it taught me to live my life fully without regrets and worries. I also turned 30, an age I thought I would not see and had a Birthday celebration with framily.(Friends and family)

FAST FORWARD .. QUICK HEALTH UPDATE After July 26th..

 

  • I am stage 4 not stage 3.
  • A lymph node biopsy was needed to determine if it was the same form of cancer or something totally different because these were new lymph nodes.
  • I had a lymph node biopsy done after my 30th Birthday Turnup, the doctor who performed my surgery was the same doctor who performed surgery on my mom’s intestines in Jan 2015.
  • There are several abnormal lymph nodes in my left neck area with a node in my lung, which causes me to cough randomly.
  • On Sept 8th, I met with a Lymphoma Specialist , which he determined that I will be needing the ICE Regimen chemo and an Autologous Stem Cell Transplant. ( Google is your best friend)
  • I get my bone marrow biopsy tomorrow, Wednesday, treatment starts Thursday for two cycles (2 weeks in between) and the stem cell transplant will follow after that. (Updates and blog posts will come during this process)

 

You may ask well, did you get a second opinion or does the doctor think this will work. Since July 27th, my oncologist Dr. Thakker has prepped me with so much information and scenarios, as well as encourage me and engage in spiritual talks about what was next, so let’s just say I had time to process this information and pray. I’ve been constantly praying and God answered my prayers. He orchestrated everything in an order in which I could not, would not and should not complain. This treatment is my only option because  six months of chemo did not cure it. Even though, this time around I have a tougher journey I know I need not to worry because God’s got this. He is the same God from before, if I got through those 6 months I know I can get through this.

This battle is not mine it’s the Lord. I will continue to leave everything in His hands because He is the alpha and the omega, He is the Doctor of all Doctors, He is the Healer of all Healers and because I believe and have faith in Him, I already claim healing. Yes, I said this before but I will continue to say and believe it. God isn’t through with me yet and His will is for me to go through this yet again. So, I will trust the Lord at all times and I will continue to recite ” I will live not die.”

We all know someone that is going through something, please take a moment to call, text, email, visit etc. because too many times we have regrets when something tragic happens. My prayers are with all my family members who are battling cancer,  I love you and will continue to pray for you and reach out to you. And to those struggling with grieve, sickness, illness, depression, unnecessary drama, financial trouble, spiritual, relationships etc. I pray that you will be delivered from it all.

 

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13