Round 3

“You’re so young, I feel sorry for you!”

Round 3, another day for God to fight this battle for me. How do I feel? Well, I felt good early this morning and then, on my way to chemo a familiar pain came back. A sharp pain in my abdomen on the right side, where a 7 cm enlarged lymph node rests on my liver. “Jesus, Jesus” was all I could say.

In the chemo area, I’m always the youngest patient. The pity looks I receive, I always return them with a smile. There is always that one person that says “You’re so young, I feel sorry for you!” I always quickly respond “Don’t feel sorry for me, I’m young but cancer, disease, illness, or death doesn’t have an age.” If you’re supposed to go through something, it doesn’t matter how young or old you are, it will happen. As humans we try to control everything, but we control nothing. God has, is and will always be in control.

Woke up this morning with mixed emotions, because Christian(my youngest brother) was not here to take me to my treatment. Not only did he provide comical relief, an ear to listen and wisdom, but he represented a miracle. My mother’s miracle child, one she conceived 6 months after her initial chemo treatment. Several doctors told her to abort the baby, because it was a danger to her health. Only one doctor was optimistic, my mother’s faith guided her decision to keep her baby. Knowing the potential risks of fertility after chemotherapy created some anxiety for me. However, seeing him constantly reminds me to put my trust in God. God has the final say every time. Christian was home for two months before he left to study abroad, nothing but God, because He saw I needed a daily reminder of His work. Christian, I love you, thank you for time, support, love, pep talks, and I’m extremely proud of your ongoing growth in manhood and adulthood. Have fun in Argentina and Brazil.

I’m thankful that my boyfriend, Elton can take me now. Watching how my father dealt with my mother’s sickness(he was always either worried, frustrated or sad watching the love of his life go through an ultimate battle), I was a little apprehensive so, I prayed on it. Today, I told him to come into the chemo area so, he can see for himself a little bit of the process I go through. “Does everyone know you?” He asked. I thought that was funny, because everyone greeted me by first name. I also, had to introduce him as my boyfriend since I’m always bringing a different sibling, I didn’t want any confusion. Ya’ll know there is a lot of us, Haha. My chemo nurse began speaking with him and telling him some beautiful things about me. Awww, shout out to Lila. Through his interactions with the nurses, God eased my concerns. Elton, thank you for your support, time, love, friendship, and dealing with me. I love you and blessed to have you as my love.

Once again, how do I feel?  While I’m typing this, I’m starting to feel nauseous, my lower back hurts, my right calf is numb, and as I’m eating this nectarine, I can’t taste it because my tongue has a tingling sensation. Truth is, I don’t know how I am going to feel later on today. But, what brings me great satisfaction is knowing that God has a plan for me. What I am experiencing is only temporary. Trusting and believing God through this trial is all the control I have.

Be what God intends you to be— don’t pretend to be what you’re not.

12 thoughts on “Round 3

  1. I admire you and your entire family. Looking forward to your next blog. Feel better, Sweetie. Love, Elena Marrero.

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  2. Very powerful and inspirational, i too lost my mother to pancreatic cancer 2 years ago now. As im reading your words i get flashbacks of sitting in the chemo room with my mother while she described the nausea and told me how tired she felt because of the pain . Still feels like yesterday. Your courage is admirable! You have truly touched me .You are heavily in our prayers!

    P.s Im sure you have no idea who i am but im Will’s fiance i actually had the pleasure of meeting your mom some time ago.

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  3. Janele, Janele, NELIE!!!!! What a powerfully beautiful piece! I have such admiration and love for you… I’m reading this while trying to prepare for my day. Although feel blahhhh… your words have inspired me to get up, seize every moment to God’s glory. My word for the day was/is “By (the help of ) God I will praise His word; on God I lean, rely and confidently put my trust; I will not fear. What can man who is flesh, do to me? Psalm 56: 4 (amplified)

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  4. Hi darling, we are standing with you in prayer shoulder to shoulder. We love your family so much and we are trusting God to bring you through this victoriously!! THERE WILL BE GLORY AFTER THIS!!!!.

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  5. I myself am a survivor of cancer , and my friend as well , reasons by God working thru her , she always pass on joy and inspiration when I need it most , You sharing your journey , such courage , and strength , knowing that God along with your family , and friends will help get you through your journey I myself know that God is in control of all , this is my daily reminder , but you my dear young lady have given me newborn strength , you have inspired me to fight during my moments when I feel as through I’m tired of fighting , my prayers are with you and your family , and may peace and blessings continue to grace your life in abundance , for surely you are an Angel❤️

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  6. I love reading your blog. It’s raw and truthful and full of faith. Keep strong and continue to believe in Him! It’s is a great purpose for all of this. I’m in awe of your strength! Keep pushing girl! Xo

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